Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dicks are not precious.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
