Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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