i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
