Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
