The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
