Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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