I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
whose ass print is on the piano?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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