he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
