I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
