Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
there is puke in my bra ... again
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
