I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
