Nicole vs. Life
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
