Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
