I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
