I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
