No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
