The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
