So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
