Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
