she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize