buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
