CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
