My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
