Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
