is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
