Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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