walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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