that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
