She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
