you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
