I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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