Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
