Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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