After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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