I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
