i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
