It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
