This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
