so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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