and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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