i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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