If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
