i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
