I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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