what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So apparently I’m into choking now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
