Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
