i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize