omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Randomize
