I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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