We're facebook friends in real life
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize