So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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