So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
