I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
