Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize