he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My ass is underappreciated
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
