(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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