I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
this just has baby written all over it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
