it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
