His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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