I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
