Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
