Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
