I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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