my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
