im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Barsexuality is the new black.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
