question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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