his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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