Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
