absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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