In the future we'll all be gay
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
