Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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