Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He better not be in your backpack
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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