How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
