It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
