Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
