boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You made out with two different species that night
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
