forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
