I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
