who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize