I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Panties = found
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
