I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
