She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize