Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
