I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
