I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
