it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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