I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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