Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
