Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
