Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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