so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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