youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I checked into jail on foursquare
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
