you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
