Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize