so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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