Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
