no, he came in my armpit
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
