she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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