you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize