I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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