Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
