Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
