Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
