my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
third nipple confirmed
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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