I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
