the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
