so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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