Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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