I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
