i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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