I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
