he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
